Saturday, April 3, 2010

Joke Archives: Choosing a Wife

This particular joke is dedicated to Erin...I hope this one still makes you laugh up there. :)

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more a attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Fate: Always There, Like it or Not

Fate is everywhere, I tell you. Even on social networking sites.

I logged into my Facebook (FB) account late one night and landed on my account's homepage. Now, those familiar with FB will know that your bookmarks/quick links appear on the left, your news feed/updates from friends are in the middle, then there is a plethora of "stuff" in the right-nav.

After skimming through the latest updates from my FB family, I looked on the right side - specifically, at the "Suggestions" section. The second picture in the section was of my friend Erin, and FB urged me to "reconnect with her - send her a message". Of course, I immediately went to her profile to post something on her wall.

When I got there, something stopped me. Something told me to look and see what her other friends were saying...so I did. And what I found was unbelievable.

Message after message was posted on Erin's wall - all saying how much they missed her. After reading through a couple of the posts, I shook my head in disbelief and asked myself, "How could you have missed something like this?" Not wanting to confirm my suspicions, but knew I had to in order to set my mind at ease, I entered "Erin Maureen Swainston" into the search box on Google. The very first link confirmed my suspicions:

No obvious clues yet in Vancouver murder-suicide | OregonLive.com

A wave of sadness immediately washed over me. I was stunned. Now, granted, Erin and I hadn't kept in touch as well as I would have liked in the past 2-3 years. However, there would still be a random email or message sent, once in a blue moon - always just a "Hey! How's it going?" type of message going one way or the other. The fact of the matter is that you just never forget the people who influence your life, leaving their mark and making you the person you are today. Erin was one of those people.

My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to her daughter, Bailey Jo, and her mom Jeanni. For Bailey, I cannot begin to imagine what it's like for a 6-year-old to lose her mother and father in the same day. For Jeanni, I cannot imagine what it is like for a parent to outlive their child. Erin was only 34.

Erin, since I didn't get a chance to tell you often enough: I'm glad to have met you...I'm glad you were a friend. Thank you. Hugs...and much aloha...












ERIN MAUREEN SWAINSTON
Jan. 16, 1975 ~ Dec. 2, 2009